Hello, Gringo! Welcome to Brazil. Não repara a bagunça. Don't repair the mess. In Brazil we give two beijinhos. Em São Paulo, just one beijinho. If you are em Minas, it's three beijinhos, pra casar. It's a tradition. If you don't give three kisses, you don't marry in Minas. In the other places of Brazil, you can give how many beijinhos you want. In Rio, the beijinho is in the shoulder.
The house is yours. Fica à vontade. Qualquer coisa é só gritar. Shout. Mas keep calm. Como é que se fala keep calm em inglês? Here the things demoram. It's better to wait seated. Everything is atrasado, it's like subentendido that the person will be atrasada. For a meeting, it's meia hora. For a party, it's two hours. For a stadium, it's one year. For the metrô, it's forever.
Never say you are a gringo. Yes, people love gringo but people also love money and gringos have money so people vai cobrar de você mais money because you are gringo. Say you are from Florianópolis. People de Florianópolis look like gringo and they have a strange sotaque igual like you. People will believe you are from Florianópolis.
Politics is complicated. We don't like Dilma because of corruption but I think she don't rob but people from PT rob and Dilma don't do nothing to stop people robbing but politics is complicated.
Try this moqueca. Put some farofa. Try this açaí. Put some farofa. Try this chicken we call à passarinho because it looks like a little bird. Now put some farofa. Now put some ovo inside the farofa. Mix with some banana. Delicious. You don't have farofa in your country? You know nothing, you innocent.
I'm catholic but I'm also budista and I am son of Oxóssi. How do you say Oxóssi in english? It's the brother of Ogum. You don't know Ogum? They are guerreiros. And my moon is in Áries. Ou seja. Imagine the mess.
Try this xiboquinha. It's cachaça with canela and honey. Try this Jurupinga. It's cachaça with wine. Or maybe it's wine and sugar. Nobody knows. It's delicious. Try this soltinho da Bahia. It's organic. I only smoke when I drink. But the problem is drink a lot. Try this brigadeiro. This is called larica. Now put some farofa. Delicious.
This cup passed really fast. Volte sempre. Come back always! Fica lá em casa. We are family now. You like that? You can keep it. It's your. Faço questão. I make question. Go with god and desculpa qualquer coisa. Pardon anything.
Gregorio Duvivier é ator e escritor. Também é um dos criadores do portal de humor Porta dos Fundos.